I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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