Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize