Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Why did my mother make you get naked?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize