Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
And then my night got REAL pukey
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
