Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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