I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
