Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
