Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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