whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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