it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
