dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
