hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
