Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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