i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize