I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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