All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize