I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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