JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
