just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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