went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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