So drunk, too bad you don't want this
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize