does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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