he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
