I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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