don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
