We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
