When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize