im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
