quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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