He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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