I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
