never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Pants are for mortals
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize