I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
