She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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