I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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