I think I am morally bankrupt
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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