I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
