My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
