I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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