im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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