Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he shaved USA in his pubs
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
