So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
