What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
