Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
