go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
