I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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