Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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