listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
