so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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