She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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