ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
