We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize