I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
