i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
