If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
