There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Sext me about skeletons
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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