I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
