bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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