just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
