I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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