Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
