he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
