Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
