I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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