turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
